Meet the contenders

Announcer: ‘Presenting today’s heavyweight championship fight! In the left corner, fighting in red: The Millennial. Born between 1983 and 2000, his weapons of choice are: A smart mouth, an assortment of gadgets and permanent headphones. Special abilities include: Multitasking without a task, talking without saying anything and getting presidents elected using social media.’

‘In the right corner, fighting in blue: The Baby Boomer! He’s armed with a secure retirement, an impeccable memory of “when he was your age” and the ability to tie the perfect necktie. Special abilities include making simple technology seem like rocket science, finding jobs without having finished high school and basking in economic prosperity.’

Pre-fight conversation

Boomer: ‘Take those earphones out!’
Millennial: ‘Me?’

B: ‘What do you need to listen to at this minute?’
M: ‘Say what?’

B: ‘REMOVE THOSE CONTRAPTIONS FROM YOUR EARS.’
M: Hi there, Gramps. Don’t stress. I was just watching Game of Thrones.

B: ‘When I was your age we’d never disrespect our elders so! You should have gotten a better education at school. It’s the most important tool for success.’
M: ‘When you were my age, you didn’t need a college degree.’

B: ‘You went to university but you don’t bother to wear a suit?’
M: ‘What’s a suit? Never mind, I’ll just ask Siri.’
M: ‘Siri. What is…Oh hey! A new Grumpy Cat meme. Better check my Face…’

B: ‘This is what I’ve been writing about in my papyrus journal. You youngsters can’t focus on one thing at a time. By the way, do you have a recipe for a Facebook? My 6 college-educated children keep asking me to make one.’
M: ‘6 kids at college?! Wow dude, you must be in major debt.’

B: ‘What is this ‘debt’ you speak of? I paid for everything in my first year at my first job. I even bought a Corvette.’
M: ‘Earth-murderer! That’s not a hybrid car! There is no way we can do that in today’s economy. ’

B: ‘THAT’S A DOUBLE NEGATIVE! Well, maybe if you’d started working at 14 in the lumber yard the way I did, you wouldn’t be struggling.’
M: Didn’t you just tell me school is really important?

The fight

Announcer: ‘And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…the final showdown! Wait, what? Are you sure? Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, we’re cancelling tonight’s fight. Someone showed Boomer how to play Angry Birds. I’m afraid we’ve lost him.’

Facebook blurb:

By 2030, millennials will outnumber baby-boomers in the workforce by 22 million. Companies are changing to accommodate the beliefs and requirements of this generation.