It’s peak job-hunting season. You’ve edited your CV, brushed off the ol’ suit, and you’ve even shaved. Now imagine walking into the interview with an accidental there’s-something-about-Mary hairstyle and only realising it afterwards.
If there was ever a time for Murphy to keep his nose out of your business, it’s when you’re looking for a new job. But, as we all know, that’s the nature of his laws – they happen at the most inopportune times. So, as a prepare-for-your-worst-nightmare tactic, here is a list of The Last 5 People You Want to Meet in Your Next Interview:
1. Your ex-girlfriend's mother
Walk into a glass door at full speed and you’ll get an idea of the feeling you get when you discover that your ex’s mom is your interviewer. You’d be better off slinking your pug-face right out the door and hoping it doesn’t hit you again on the way out.
2. The guy you swore at in traffic
Seriously, he can’t drive or use a freaking indicator. He’d be a terrible boss anyway. Give him the finger and walk out. Or you could just excuse yourself politely and disappear into a puff of shame.
3. The old naked dude at the gym
There’s something about having seen someone’s sweaty cheeks that makes trying to impress them in an interview decidedly uncomfortable. I mean, where do you look? Avoid eye contact and opt for a fist-bump rather than a hand shake.
4. The chick you ghosted
Who wants to talk only about their job on a first date? Your next boss, that’s who. If only you’d known that when you split the bill, dodged her move for a kiss with a pat on the back, and ignored her WhatsApps until she left you a tearful ‘break up’ voicemail.
5. Your high school crush
Your teenage years were spent writing poetry, dancing wildly, and bravely confessing your love to the guy who couldn’t have been less interested. Thank goodness you’re not in high school anymore, right? Until he shows up as the interviewer for your dream job.
If anything like this happens to you during your job hunt, we send our deepest sympathies. May the ground be ready and willing to swallow you whole.